To you

I wish I never met you. Because then I would not feel this way - everytime I see you in a chatroom and offline on MSN messenger, part of me feels like I'm used to it and I'm over it, and another, larger part of me feels like I've been stabbed repeatedly in the places it hurts most.

Little things hurt the most. The way you greet me, versus the way you greet someone else. Being online at the same time as you while not chatting with you, and watching you chat with other people. Thinking you're so beautiful and amazing and feeling like a small piece of smelly sock - and a stupid one at that.

I feel like I'm not the kind of person you want to talk to anymore - I feel like you're avoiding me and I absolutely hate it. I feel like a weak, desperate person in your presence - I don't feel intelligent, creative or talented; I feel like a wreck. I don't know what to do about it. I just want to stop thinking of you like this, I don't want to care about what you think of me.

I'm going to try my best to cut you out of my life - it just hurts too much. And deep down I know you don't care about me - you've never really shown you cared, and its painful to admit, but that is probably precisely what I was attracted to in the first place. There's something obviously very wrong with me.